By Sam Venables

Both anxiety and alcohol became a serious problem for me during my first year of university in 2015. The pressure to find friends in a short period of time caused a lot of stress and I soon realised that when I was under the influence I engaged more in conversation and felt less tense. Plus, it was cheap enough and completely normalised by the drinking culture at universities. It wasn’t long before I started drinking alone in my room, mostly before social events but sometimes when I was just bored. 

The bottle provided a layer of protection – it was the campfire in the cave, giving warmth even on the bleakest of days, shielding me from the frost and the demons inside.

One time visiting home, I broke down in tears to my Dad, explaining that anxiety was controlling my life and I was abusing alcohol to deal with it. With professional help, I was able to get a better understanding of my mind and start making positive changes.

But all my progress came to a firm halt when Dan, one of my best friends whom I’d been close with since the age of five, unexpectedly passed away. I turned back to the coping mechanism of pouring drink after drink to dull the pain. The grief was unbearable, and the instant reaction was to numb it. The bottle provided a layer of protection – it was the campfire in the cave, giving warmth even on the bleakest of days, shielding me from the frost and the demons inside. 

Dan’s passing gave me a stamp of approval to drink heavily. I was coping with the death of one of my best friends at the tender age of 20, if there were calls to tone down the drinking, they fell on deaf ears.

Dan’s passing gave me a stamp of approval to drink heavily. I was coping with the death of one of my best friends at the tender age of 20, if there were calls to tone down the drinking, they fell on deaf ears.

In my second year of university, I was able to curb the drinking by upping my cannabis use. Rather than the bottle, I found solace in a cloud of smoke. Although my drinking took a back seat in terms of frequency, when I did indulge, I found it difficult to stop. I found myself waking up too many mornings not knowing what happened the night before, accompanied by a headache potent enough to keep me pinned down to my duvet until the evening.

By my third year, I was much more aware of my coping mechanisms around my anxiety and my grief. Seeing a counsellor at university and spending hours reading and listening to podcasts, I started to understand my mind a bit better.

I’d love to reveal that I now live anxiety free and no longer have the urge to drink when my troubles overwhelm me, but this is simply not true. I have not defeated these two issues, but I have transformed my relationship with them. I have implemented changes that have led to lead a healthier and happier life. 

Running and meditation have been the kernel of this transformation. Meditation has taught me that thoughts are just thoughts. I can recognise when an anxious thought pops up, mentally note it, and let it go. It’s okay for thoughts to arise, but there is no need to hold onto them and let them colour your soul. Self-prescribing exercise instead of alcohol has made me a much less anxious and happier person. If I do find myself down in the dumps, I force myself to tie my laces rather than heading to the booze aisle. Running is a tool just like alcohol was. It gives me a dopamine kick, a sense of achievement and leaves me in a better headspace, where I can look at things from a refreshed angle.

I recommend both Sam Harris’s app Waking Up and Headspace to begin meditation. I was easily distracted to begin with, but these apps ease you in and are incredibly informative and welcoming. Running only requires some appropriate footwear and a decision. Start short, light and easy. Build yourself up until you start challenging yourself. Strava is an excellent app for tracking your runs and progress.

If your concentration span has allowed you to get this far, thank you for persisting. This has been my first-hand account of attempting to put out the fire with two useful tools. Even though the flame still burns, it is much tamer and controlled than what it once was. Meditation and running aren’t an end solution, but they can be used as part of a process for living a better life. These won’t be the same for everyone, but they have changed the atmosphere within my mind and I hope this can help at least one other person.