By Josephine Helen
I read an article recently that stated “the traumatic loss of a loved one is like experiencing a brain injury.”
When my sister died I was so young I don’t remember what parts of me changed, though through years of therapy I soon discovered the unhealthy coping mechanisms my brain had cleverly put in place to protect me that I then had to work on unlearning.
My memory & self esteem have been badly affected along with a new slice of exhaustion which I’d never experienced before.
When my brother died it seemed like half of my world went dark, and so much of who I was just left. Almost as if someone unpicked the thread on my head and my whole body fell apart with a few parts of material remaining trying to keep me up. For months I dressed in dark baggy clothes and dyed my hair orange in a desperate search to find who I was again.
My memory & self esteem have been badly affected along with a new slice of exhaustion which I’d never experienced before.
I used to be so confident, and now I pick my appearance apart along with my ability to make strong and assertive decisions at work and being confident enough to know I belong in the room. I have to write lists on my phone of peoples names and where I know them from, I blank out in conversations and I’ve experienced disassociation PTSD & more.
My life will never be the same; when I have wedding photos half of my family won’t be there, when I have sons and daughters they won’t know their blood uncle and aunty – they’ll only have those special Etsy made illustrations of them holding one another. When I’m 60 I won’t have my siblings by my side clinking glasses saying “hey look sis, we made it.” Because I’m the only child left.
I get that it can feel heavy to support a person who’s grieving, and after so many years (because your life has moved on) you might expect them to, but our lives are in a different colour now
I get that it can feel heavy to support a person who’s grieving, and after so many years (because your life has moved on) you might expect them to, but our lives are in a different colour now and everything has been touched by our loved ones death.
So please love us forever, because grief has made me feel very unloveable and lonely.
How has grief changed you?
Originally posted on Josephine’s Instagram page and shared with permission: Josephine Helen (@josephinesjournall) • Instagram photos and videos