By Anna May

Losing someone can lead to a whole range of emotional and physical responses, as well as impacting your routines, relationships, sense of identity and ability to focus on studies or work. Here are some elements of suicide loss that may feel particularly challenging:

Tumultuous emotions

It’s normal to experience intense emotions when grieving – from sadness and heartbreak, to shock, confusion and helplessness. It’s also normal to sometimes feel numb and disconnected.

Emotions like guilt, anger, regret and blame are also common for those bereaved by suicide. Maybe you are angry at the person for their actions or at society for ‘letting this happen’. Maybe you feel guilt or regret for not knowing that the person was struggling, or not doing more to support them. Some people may look for someone or something to blame, perhaps as a way of trying to understand the tragedy.

The pain of losing the person can be amplified as you remember or imagine what they were experiencing. You may feel like you’re not only grieving their death, but grieving for elements of their life too.

We may feel unsure how to remember and honour their life

It can be hard to remember someone without always focusing on the painful parts of their life and death. We may struggle to honour them, think of happy memories, and talk about them as a whole person. This is normal, but should get easier with time and as you express and process your grief.

It’s common to have had a complex relationship with someone who has died by suicide, perhaps because of, or impacted by, their mental health. It’s okay to remember both the good and bad – one doesn’t cancel out the other. 

Stigma and fear

There’s still a lot of stigma and secrecy around suicide which can make it hard to talk about. 

The phrase ‘committed suicide’ makes it sound like a crime. Language is important – try saying ‘died by suicide’ instead. Remember that they, and you, haven’t done anything ‘wrong’.

You may also struggle to speak about it because you’re scared of giving ideas to those who are struggling and leading to further harm. Many people feel on high alert after suicide loss, worried that the people around them are not okay. Or perhaps that you are not okay, and worried about where that may lead.

It’s alright to talk about it. It’s important to get support. Please see below for organisations that are here for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts, or who has been bereaved by suicide.

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A conversation with Anna, Harry, and Rufus

Contact Hours is a BIFA-qualified 25-minute short film about student suicide, which is currently screening at film festivals, conferences and universities around the UK. To attend a screening or find out more about the project, head to @contacthoursfilm on Instagram.

Support Ideas:

Suicide bereavement support:

If you are feeling suicidal: