University can be lonely or overwhelming when we’ve lost someone – either earlier in our life or during our studies.
Here are some thoughts around what it's like to grieve at university, and why the experience might be a bit different to elsewhere:
I have days where I cry at nothing, like dropping a plate, and others where I feel so numb to it all, like I am watching it happen to someone else […] Not only were we grieving […] but we were also expected to produce high level essays, reports and presentations to tight deadlines.
Feeling far away from your usual support network and not yet confident in your new environment can be tough. Moving out also comes with a number of responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning and organising your own schedule – these everyday things can be overwhelming after a loss. Some people feel guilty about being away from home, while others may see university as a welcome distraction and opportunity for a fresh start.
If the loss occurred while at university
If you experience loss during your degree, the uni environment may start to feel overwhelming or sombre, like a constant reminder of what’s happened. The experience may shift the dynamics of your social group and your whole perspective of university life – you may feel unsure how to continue now that everything has changed.
It can be tough, but it is possible to rediscover the fun in university life and build good friendships, even as you grieve.
When you’re bereaved as a student, it’s easy to feel that everyone is getting to have that ‘amazing time’ but you. They’re getting that once-in-a-lifetime experience of being totally carefree, while you feel aged beyond your years
After a loss, it can be difficult to live up to social expectations as you may have less energy or not be in the mood. You might feel disconnected from your peers and disinterested in the ‘usual’ activities. This can be lonely and frustrating.
For some, a busy social life is a welcome distraction and reminder that life can be good. You may have to rethink what ‘fun’ means to you, but it’s possible to still enjoy student life while grieving.
Academic pressures
Your course may be something great to focus on and distract you, but it can be hard to feel motivated. Grief affects our energy levels, memory, and concentration, so be kind to yourself if your productivity or grades have dropped.
Don’t be afraid to speak to your tutors and look into mitigating circumstances, extensions, or taking time out. Unfortunately the paperwork often feels frustrating and impersonal. This is something we are working to change.
A podcast episode on student bereavement:
We spoke on this episode with the University of Leeds ACH Wellbeing Project. Millie chats to students who have faced grief, as well as our founder, Anna, to create an open conversation about grief and how we can maintain wellbeing for ourselves and others around us who are experiencing grief at university.
